this is my process

Got real swirly tonight

So I brewed a pot of tea

Lit a couple candles

Threw a bath bomb in the tub and melted into the water

The smell of rose and surrender in the air

Thoughts started racing

And I couldn’t gain control

I tried to breathe like they teach you in yoga

But no matter how deep I tried

the thoughts wouldn’t go away

The pain, the fears they were still there

and for a moment the voice of shame came in so strong- telling me how much farther I should be- and then in a gentle whisper I felt it.

This release of love.

This realization that this is my process

If I just surrender into it maybe the pain in my body would decrease

the migraines would go away

so as I sit here typing I commit to you-

to feel it.

to release it.

Life is hard.

People don’t do what you think they will and that’s painful.

but I’m going to keep releasing the pain

and I will welcome in the kindness of real authentic love.